African American INFP

Being an INFP is not easy in a ESXX world and society. Mainly if your an Intuitive feeler type (NF) African American. I’m very isolated from my family and other African Americans, and this feeling gets stronger as I get older. My Dad an ESTJ was hard on me, and wanted me to put on a ESTX personality. He was like a drill sergeant, and thank goodness he does not live with me. As for my mother, she is easier to deal with, and she does give me my privacy, but we have arguments all the time, and I am distant from her as well. My sister is the same story, distant, and aloof. I feel like I was born into the wrong family. Its enough I say to myself that I’m a white man born inside a black person’s body, because I don’t conform to the stereotypical black man sort to speak. I do feel very much like a European reincarnation (not literally). My taste in music, my love for reading (at home it interferes with my love for video games sometimes heh), and writing are all bizarre to many other black people that somehow find out my tastes.

I religiously keep them private to anyone. Some even say I talk very proper and my English is professional (It’s a way of saying you talk like a white man) One person (non-black) wondered if I was mixed, and not pure black most currently a few months back because of the way I act. Odd enough as a kid I was more of an ENFP, but that is another story. I personally don’t hate myself for being a sensitive male, but I hate the fact that I live in a world where it caters to my personality poorly. I get moody easily; I am highly introverted to the point where I hardly had any friends in my life since I can’t relate to such people on a deep level. The people I did consider friends where other introverts, mainly intuitive ones that I met, but it rare for me to even run into such people. Those are the only people where I can truly open up to. I even cry to myself if I get really upset, and I have a very short temper. For an INFP I am very vengeful and violent (I only started one fight but that was years ago). Sigh. Enough about me, there is more about myself, but talking about myself is depressing me a bit.




~ by nancyfenn on June 16, 2008.

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