Are You an Introvert? Have You Been Told You’re Too Intense?

Many people think introverts are too intense.  I’m the IntrovertZCoach and I surveyed some introverts to find out whether this was a problem for them or something they valued.  Here is a sampling of responses:

  I like to leave it email style.

 “i like intensity in others b/c they can display what i always conceal.  no one’s ever complained about my intensity b/c i maintain my laidback exterior at pretty much any cost.  my closest friends haven’t seemed to mind when i do get passionate, but as for the world at large, i dunno.”

 “there are days i can be quite intense that it scares some people or my friends hug me and try to tell thngs are fine.” 

“have been told I think too much. My silence/tendency to withdraw is often wrongly interpreted by others as me being ‘stand offish’. I feel very passionately about many things and find it EXTREMELY frustrating trying to convey that to others in words or coherent thoughts, my feelings often dont translate into forms of expression others understand. I think I make people uncomfortable because they dont understand why I am the way I am and people arent comfortable with things that are ‘different’. I find intensity in others comforting a meeting of ‘likeness’”

 “Intensity in others bothers me only if I feel they are focusing on something superficial or unimportant, or are putting me on the spot in conversation.   I also dislike speaking to people with what I call “demanding voices”– those who speak loudly, unrestrainedly, and without really listening to or caring for other’s responses– but I guess that’s not really what intensity is.  I like intensity if I see it as an indicator of depth of thought and caring.  As for myself, no one has ever complained that I was “;too intense.”  However I have been told, or have felt that it was implied, that I should “lighten up” or that I “think to much.”  The part about “thinking to much” I always take as an insult rather than as advice.”

 “yes people do describe me as intense. i don’t like being so passionate, sometimes I feel i come across as arrogant, when i feel I am valid in my thoughts and find them hard to explain, or people don’t get me i feel like i get too moody. I love working in healing, yet i find people hard to handle. It all seems too complex at times”

 “I’ve always been told that I was too intense and sensitive! All of my grade school teachers used to write that on my report cards and, although it upset me greatly that they had a problem with me, I never could understand how being intense was a problem or how I could possibly change it. I prefer intensity to flippancy. If someone flits from topic to topic or interest to interest with no connections between them at all, I become exhausted trying to follow! However, if I see absolute, unmistakable passion seeping from every pore on that person’s body, I can become quite the conversationalist and will always want to know more.”

 “yes, i am very intense, but i hate intensity in others, it bothers me.  often, i hate my own intensity, i get on my own nerves.”

 “I can make men very uncomfortable with my intensity. I’m too serious about things, people say. I can lighten up, but I tend to prefer giving everything a good thinking over if it’s worth thinking about. “  

“I can make the happy intense feeling that sometimes comes stay. I find insights but people and my introversion and feeling quite intense like naughts in my stomach when talking to someone.”

 “I’ve often been tol dthat I’m too intense and I sometimes envy people who can just enjoy simple surface things. I am attracted to other intense people, but sometimes I can find them overpowering or frightening.”

 “I’m told that I am too serious and analyze everything including people.  I don’t mind other intense people but I find that I tell them to lighten up because I know how stressful being an intense person can be.” 

“most times i think intensly about things sometimes in puplic places because the real life doent instrest me that much and if people try to bring me back to the real life ; it bothers me.” 

“My friends take it personally that I like to spend time alone.  Being alone helps me unwind.  I love to read and watch movies.  I often enjoyu going to the movies by myself.  I don’t make decisions right away because I need time to think about it and feel good about it.  This irritates others especially at work.” 

“My ex-lover left me because of my intensity and a tried to disown this aspect of my personality as a result.  Little did I realize that I had cut out the source of my greatest happiness and passion for life.  I have since made it a point to own my intensity, although I enjoy it most in my many quiet and solitary moments.”

 “I’m intense about everything – love, beauty, passion, nature, injustice, etc.   There are days when I wish I didn’t feel everything so intensely. Sometimes, I feel others thoughts. However, without the intensity, I wouldn’t experience love at a level that is far beyond what most people experience.”

 “My friends feel that I’m too intense.. If  I ever have a conflict with someone (which is rare), no matter how small, I just think and think about it…it  makes me go crazy and yet i can’t stop thinking about  it unless i set things right again. Sometimes I also seem to have these weird crying spells, mostly when I’ve had a bad day or someone has critisized (sp?) me for being too quiet. I actually like being intense but sometimes it can also be extremely annoying. I think a lot about everything…i’m more like a daydreamer,  someone will be talking to me and within minutes I’ll be drifting into my own little world if they’’re talking just nonsense :o)”



~ by nancyfenn on September 23, 2007.

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