Hermit Loner’s Open Letter to Well-Meaning Extroverts

Don’t Pounce On Me – an open letter to well-meaning extroverts

I don’t hate you.  I’m not unfriendly nor anti-social. I just need lots of privacy and quiet time – I need my space. If you’ll let me have that, I can be a fantastic friend to you.  Here are some ways that you can be a good friend to me!

When I first arrive at work, please don’t jump up as soon as you see me and follow me to my cubicle, chatting or asking questions. I beg you, give me a few minutes of silence so I can put my stuff away, get my coffee, and get settled in at my desk.  It’s nice that you’re glad to see me,  and I’m glad to see you, too, but I really do need to ease into the day, and would really appreciate being allowed a few minutes to myself when I first get here.

Likewise, please don’t snag me for chit-chat as I’m heading out the door. I’m tired at the end of the day.

I’ve been giving energy all day long in conversations and interactions. Please just let me say “good night” and be on my way.  I do like you, but I’ve had enough  of talking by the end of the day.  I’m eager to get home for some downtime.

Please don’t be offended that I don’t answer my phone at home. Don’t take it personally.  I do not enjoy talking on the phone. It’s not you, it’s me.  Really.  I’ll be more than happy to email with you!

When I get home from work, please don’t pounce on me as soon as I get out of my car.

It makes me feel like I’m being watched, for one thing, and as a private person, I don’t like that feeling. For another thing, I’ve been socializing at work all day.  When I get home, I need some time to myself.  It is very difficult for me to make conversation with you when I get home. If you’ve got something cool to tell me, please just email me.  I’d love to know about it, really I would, when I have the energy for it.  When I first get home, I don’t have the energy for talking with you. 

If you see me outside, by myself, relaxing, or even doing yardwork or something, please understand that I’m probably recharging and enjoying my time to myself. Please don’t assume that I’d like company.  The chances are that I don’t want company. Please keep in mind that what feels to you like enjoyable communication probably feels like an assault to me, if you are interrupting my private time. Before you come over, remember that it’s probably easier for you to find someone else to talk to, than it is for me to find some quiet time to myself.

Please, dear extroverts, don’t take any of this personally.  Don’t read hostility where there’s none intended. Don’t assume I’m unfriendly. Just because I don’t necessarily want to talk every time YOU want to talk doesn’t mean that I hate you.  It’s just that I need my private time. Okay?  Thanks so much for understanding!

contact Hermit Loner Hermit_loner@yahoo.com

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~ by nancyfenn on June 26, 2007.

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