An Adult Telling a “Child” to Read Less and Watch More TV! Read on …

eyes.jpgWhich famous INJ do you identify with?  I suppose I would say I identified with Newton.  He was smart, innovative, and just plain intelligent. Then again, I guess they all were, but Newton gives me the more academic feeling and that is definately me.

What’s it like to be an INTJ?   As an INTJ, life is slightly more difficult I think. I’m still young-in high school-so I think right now is a hard time for me. My family has always criticized me and ridiculed me for the way I am. My mother and older sisters (who are adults and should know better) are constantly telling me my flaws, which, in their minds, include: I’m a loser, I have no life, I’m a “dork/nerd”, and of course that I’m full of myself, I’m a jerk, and I’m cold-hearted. I can’t even count how many times my own mother has said I read too much, to go watch tv (I mean really! An adult telling their child to watch more tv and stop reading?!), to make friends.

When my grandmother was present to hear these exchanges, she added her thoughts too: that I need to stop living in my books, in my fantasy lands (I read fantasy). That part always made me cringe, because even I knew that was true. Not that I needed to stop, but that I really did try and live in them.

For a few years it was really bad. My mom wouldn’t let me close my bedroom door, and when she was home I had to stay out of my room, because she said I was in there too much. It was hard for me to understand then why she would do all that and why there was a problem with the way I was. A bit older, I do now. At least I understand why she “thinks” there is a problem with it. I think because of how I grew up, I became more of the unfortunate side of introverts. While most wrongly think we are depressed, anti-social, etc., it became true for me. I am a very shy person, and the “anti-social” behavior I now exhibit is from both being an INTJ and having depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, and more. Unfortunately, I have indeed become somewhat of a ‘cold-hearted jerk’.

Instead of coping with small talk and people, I tell them outright that I don’t want to talk to them, hang out with them, etc. I’m pretty disappointed in people. I’m glad that with most cases, INTJs are the way they are because they choose to be and prefer it. I wish it were that way for me. Of course, I still do prefer my solitude, my thinking, the lack of peaople… but to an even greater extent. I try to be a good person and not think bad of my family, but In the back of my head there is always the thought that they did this to me. Not my INTJ personality, but the rest.

Anyway, I have the same things to go through as other INTJs listed here. I find myself surrounded by like-minded people and that makes me happy. I wish we were more populous in the world. I love to read mostly fantasy. Learning mostly comes easy to me and I love it. I can’t and don’t tolerate people who are close-minded, mediocre, obnoxious, and just plain dull. I have no friends to speak of. Actually this is part of my jerk side. In school, there are tons of people who talk to me, hang out with me, guys who like me, etc. The thing is, I don’t consider them friends, only acquaintances and I tell them that to their faces… most don’t get offended and don’t think twice about it. It’s true though.

I would really like a best friend, but I suppose my standards are too high. As for relationships- my Achilles heel ^_^ I actually have a boyfriend right now, but It’s more of a one sided thing and he is that side. I can’t even stand him touching me (my family makes fun of me for this-that I don’t like people touching me. They all pat me and stuff just to annoy me and say how will I have a boyfriend when I won’t let him touch me?, but of course I stand it occasionally. I want to like someone, I want to love someone, but I haven’t yet. I wouldn’t care if he dumped me right now- actually I wish he would. One day I hope someone I meet will be like me and I can have real feelings for them. 

The main thing I do to “cope” is daydream. A lot. I can’t emphasize how much. And they are elaborate daydreams too. I’ve never told anyone this, but I will put it here, because I think I can trust you all with parts of me no one else knows. Anyway, in my mind there is this room which is sort of like a stone tower in a castle… it is empty no stairs or anything just a hole that goes on forever, with thousands of doors floating around. I stand on a ledge where doors stop. I imagine them opening, and inside is the new “world” or daydream I’m going to enter. When I’ve finsihed that daydream, I picture the door tower again, but this time I picture the door slamming shut and joining the other doors floating around- all my finshed daydreams. (Lol I even organize and archive my daydreams). These take a few days each usually to complete. I usually am a person in a medieval type land (copmliments of my fantasy books). It is all nearly real. I guess my grandma was right- now I really do live in my fantasy lands. So that’s how I cope. I imagine worlds and such. It works pretty well I guess. I am aware that I have some issues and maybe psychological problems, but I love the INTJ part (which I know is not a psychological problem) and wouldn’t trade it for anything. Hopefully it will have made my future something great.

Submitted by Amanda, 16 years old

Nancy’s Note:  This is so typical I can’t believe it.  That’s why I made this site, to wake a few people up so someone might have a better childhood and adolescence.

 Also see the INTJ page and Diamond in the Ruff (Sir Isaac’s dog) .

Famous introverts of the INTJ persuasion?

  • most lawyers

  • Sir Isaac Newton

  • Dwight D. Eisenhower

  • Thomas Jefferson

  • Hannibal Barca

  • August usCaesar

  • Ayn Rand

  • George Lucas


~ by nancyfenn on June 24, 2006.

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